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Written by Joeprah
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Cyber Bum: An internet user who forms relationships with other internet users through online social communities, blogging, and or other internet endeavors only to drop off of the radar for long periods of time (see Joeprah) or forever. I think it is best to come right out and say to all of the friends I have made over the past few years through writing online that I am sincerely thankful for your friendship and I am embarrassed to say that I am a cyber bum. Over the course of the last few months I have basically stopped blogging for a number of reasons but I think the main one was stress. After our family put on hold any thoughts of moving I came down from a bit of an emotional roller coaster and so did my wife. In an attempt to "circle the wagons" I spent less of my free time online writing and more of it with my family and most specifically my wife. This isn’t to say that I didn’t spend enough time with her before; instead I am saying that I thought it was best to spend even more time with her. Days turned into weeks and then the start of the school year finally came. I envisioned the return of the school year would mean I would have more time on my hands—eh, not so much. Once I found out that our family was staying put, I took on some added responsibilities in the community that I had always wanted to be a part of. Two rec council programs and several after school activities later I found my free time evaporating. Finally, the cherry on top of the sundae, I took up a part-time job. So, although I do have available time to get online and write I have gotten into the habit of opting to spend invaluable “couch time” with my wife instead.
So, there you have it. Joeprah=cyber bum. I have spent the better part of the last week tending to some nagging issues on my website and I feel that I have finally taken care of 99% of them which leaves my conscience clear to write again. I hope my absence wasn’t too distracting for my throngs of adoring fans (see yeah right) but remember good things come to those that wait and you will be glad you stuck around.
~Team Joeprah |
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Written by Joeprah
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Dear Anyone With Hands or Remarkable Feet, I have a request for anyone who thinks they can handle it. I was having some major issues with my old comment tool, and even after changing databases (see harder than it sounds) and slimming down my site in everyway imaginable I could not overcome the fact that the comment tool was just not working the way it was intended. Anyways, I have a new component for comments and I was hoping everyone could simply try it out and let me know if they had any trouble using it.
Thanks! ~ Joeprah |
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Written by Joeprah
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Yeah, I know, I have been AWOL again, and I feel horrible because of it. Needless to say, I have been busy, but I have also been cyber slacking and a cyber bum to all my cyber buds and that is just wrong. I would like to make this up to all my friends with an over-produced music video. This video aims at accomplishing two things:
- Entertaining my throngs of loyal subscribers
- Introducing everyone to Vampire Weekend, a hip band that has been seen a lot of air time at the house of Joeprah
So, without further ado my gift to all of you:
"Ottoman" the music video |
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Written by Joeprah
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So, after posting late July I have been AWOL. I have a plethora of excuses for the long absence but one will do—laziness. I took a break. A break from writing, a break from writing during the summer when I was juggling being an active dad to three of the most amazing daughters a dad could ask for, a break from writing during our summer vacation, and a break after a very stressful time in our family’s life as we decided whether to move or not. I think my “battery” was low for a number of reasons and the last month has been just what the doctor ordered. My wife and I have been able to enjoy the remainder of our summer after stressing for the previous three months over work related issues; I have been able to dedicate myself entirely to my family (i.e. kids) and ratchet it up from being super dad to super-duper dad; and as for me, I think the self imposed pressure that I have put on myself (which all the great ones do) eventually showed up in the form of a couple of nasty summer time illnesses. That was then, now I have two kids in school and one starting preschool. I finally have some time to dedicate to writing again and I have a ton of stuff to write about. I want to thank all of my close friends who have been there for me during my absence in the form of concerned emails and comments. I will begin with a big virtual high-five to my bud Pete who has been like an online brother over the last few months and just and awesome dude to vent to. Mike, aka MileHighDad, has also been a reminder for me that folks are thinking about me and wondering “what’s up?” and for that I very thankful. And in no particular order I would like to give a shout out to some of my other friends who have been asking about me in my absence (you guys are the best) MomoFali, NukeDad, EGangsta, Loomis, PiperOfLove, Jeremy, Melisa, Tom, Weasel Momma, and Vegas Dad. There are of course many more that didn’t come forward but were either equally concerned or just sent into a deep depression during my absence and for this I apologize. Bottom line— I’m Back Baby! |
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Written by Joeprah
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Recently returning home from Cape May, NJ our family had an abnormally hellish ride home. We have three daughters and during our stay in Cape May they all managed to find dozens of amazing sea shells. Now, let me start by saying I am not the kind of guy that gets excited about sea shells but the sea shells they found were actually kind of impressive. My girls found many different kinds of shells over the course of the weekend but the really special ones were the conch shells. They found conch shells ranging from about a half an inch in height to several inches. One of the most large and brilliant shells actually had a resident still inside and this resident, of course, did not want to come out. The only way to get the creature out of the shell was to cook him out. After a boiling the shell with the mollusk in side for nearly ten minutes, the mollusk finally relinquished his control on the shell. The removal of this mollusk from the conch shell was the last thing we did before we packed our car left for home and we noticed that the process had left the kitchen smelling offensive to say the least. We thought nothing of stench in the kitchen since the creator of the smell was now gone and out of our lives…so we thought. At about the twenty mile mark on our way home our minivan began to smell like the oceans rear-end. The smell that envelops a family during long road trips is often unpleasant; however this smell different and like a thick blanket of fog it invaded the interior of our car much to the displeasure of all inside. As the driver of the stink-mobile, I was beginning to get irritated—no check that, extremely upset with each passing stink filled moment. To make matters worse, my kids (who desperately required the conch in the first place) were complaining. “Ew! What is that smell?!” The sound of a child whining is probably the best form of birth control. When a mom and dad have had a tough day with the kids usually the last thing on their minds is, “You know what? Let’s have another.” I think a few well placed whiny kids could change the teenage pregnancy statistics in the U.S. overnight. My particular children were covering their noses and asking for the smell to go away. I know my kids think highly of me, but besides lighting the vehicle on fire (which I was thinking of doing) there was little I could do to mask the offensive scent that surrounded us. I was starting to wonder if the smell would ever come out of the car. I mean, how many pine-scented-car-fresheners would it take to diffuse the smell of rotting mollusk? My kids continued to whine even though they were told to calm down—the smell was that bad. Like all parents I have a breaking point. Apparently my breaking point requires the following ingredients: horrific odor, whiny kids, long car ride, and sand in my shorts. I think ten minutes of these specific environmental conditions could frazzle the most seasoned secret service agent. Up to this point my wife, bless her soul, had been trying to stifle the whining coming from the back seats of our minivan, it was now my turn. As I turned to tell my progeny to remain silent for the rest of their natural born lives, the car did a small swerve. Like when Reese married peanut butter and chocolate, I discovered something ground breaking with that swerve. It turns out that the “swerve” was a more effective measure than my verbal tongue lashing at calming—check that, frightening my kids into submission. The “swerve” wasn’t dangerous or damaging in any way, just merely a swerve coupled with a dad turning around with eyes glaring in disapproval. The combination proved a useful measure to disquiet my rambunctious crew and although the remainder car ride home was painfully smelly it was at least whine free. |
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Written by Joeprah
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The number one distributor of toys in the world is McDonalds and nearly all of these toys I would classify as being annoying. They are either poorly constructed or they serve little to no purpose or most notably they make annoying sounds. Recently, our family has collected a few McDonald’s toys both to our shame and our children’s delight. Most of these toys are simply thrown away when the kids aren’t looking, because let’s face it—they’re trash to begin with. However, some toys remain hidden in the depths of our minivan and only announce their presence during bumps we hit it the road. Enter Kung Fu Panda. Kung Fu Panda was a pretty cool movie, humor, Jack Black, kung fu…what’s not to like? The McDonald’s toys apparently. The panda made a karate chop sound effect noise and a Jack Black sounding “Hi-Yah!” We had a pair of these creatures somewhere imbedded in our minivan. The only way to identify that they actually existed at all was the presence of the occassional sound effect. This past weekend we made a trip to Cape May and on our way home the duo of toys sounded off around 200,000 times much to my dismay. Around karate chop sound ninety-five-thousand, I realized that I now hated Jack Black and I also hated karate chop sound effects (which I proudly make on my own from time to time)—oh, and I was most likely driven clinically insane (albeit temporarily) from the assault of cheaply manufactured McDonalds toys noises. The insanity that had claimed a section of my brain could only be exercised if I faced my foes and vanquished them in a field of battle. If you don't know this, there is a cleansing ritual that any parent can utilize to release themself from the hold of McDonald's toy induced insanity--you need to obliterate the toy in question. Feel free to watch the following instructional video:
Do you hate McDonald's toys as much as I do? The American Idol toys were also maddening for us. Any toys throw you over the edge? |
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This section is dedicated to both personal observations and news associated with parents and parenting. How has being a stay-at-home dad to three daughters changed me as a person? What are the hot button news stories concerning kids and parenting? This section is your destination if you are looking for anything and everything dealing with parenting. Join in on debates, vote on polls, let your voice be heard. 
Who is Joeprah? I am a stay at home dad to three daughters. I have an amazing wife, and under the direction and encouragement of close friends, I started this site over a year ago. You can follow me at The Examiner.com, Twitter, Stumble Upon and Cre8Buzz. Read more...