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Cute KidThe kids had a rough day today, they lost a long time friend in “Winnie” our oldest cat.  He died in his sleep last night and my wife and I found him amidst my shoes in the nether reaches of our closet.  So, as a treat after dinner we went out for ice cream/snow balls at Rita’s a once local tradition that has now spread like wild fire in the mid-Atlantic.  Anyways, we came home with gelatis, custard cones with sprinkles and sticky hands.  The kids went out back to finish their cones when, predictably, our youngest (professor toddler) dropped her cone.   An aside on kids and ice cream cones, as a parent you can count on your kid dropping part of their ice cream cone almost 100% of the time up until age 4.  Back to the dropped ice cream, at first our toddler started whining but soon she looked at the fallen ice cream as an opportunity to experiment.  I don’t know what possesses a kid to do this, but she started stomping on the ice cream in sandals.  From our back window "Hot Wife" saw this and it galvanized her into action as she clamored to back porch faster than you can say “double scoop” and yelled: 

 

You do not step on the ice cream!!

I mean what the frig is that sentence really?  Let’s look at it in excruciating detail:  

  • “You” – right from the start we can see that this sentence is doomed
  • “do not step on” – my wife rallies here and shows off her ability to damage control, although she should have went with the colloquial contraction don’t, but w/e
  • “the” – this seems like the right word here, but she said ‘the’ louder than the other words and with the long ‘e’ sound.  I don’t like this choice at all, it’s like, I never say “I like the sandwiches,” I just say, “Dayum! Dems be good!” or something else in that vain
  • “ice cream” – granted the sentence needed these two words, but you could also use ‘that’, but my wife had dug such a large hole with the first 3/4s of the sentence there was no turning back.

"You do not step on the ice cream."  Gotta love what kids bring out in us.

As for the rough day, my five year old (our middle child) was quite fond of our old cat and I was really curious to see if she was going to show some emotion in regards to losing her friend.  She hadn't showed any signs of it all day, granted they found out right before they caught the bus and after she returned home she was either playing/cleaning/eating.  Finally, it was bedtime/time for prayers, and when we said prayers I asked all of them to name something that they loved about "Winnie" and to talk about their memories of him.  My five year old had the best answer as she recalled that she loved to scratch him on his chin.  Which she did all the time. She would look into his eyes like she was transfixed and rub his chin just the way cats like.  Still, though, no emotion.  It seemed odd as she loves all animals and really has a magical way with them which is inspiring to me.  As we finished sharing our memories, I told the girls that we believe (when we die) that we will see those we love again and we will be reunited.  I told them that our love for each other will always keep us together and that Winnie loved us and as long as we love him we will see him again.  I was getting really existential, and I was really hoping one of them would break down and cry a little, but nope none of them did.  As I was about to leave the room and return the toddler her bedroom I heard my 5 year old start to cry.  I was so proud.  She was the only one that did cry and I can't really explain why, but it made me proud to see her cry.  I suppose what I was impressed with was her display of humanity.  The other two didn't seemed phased by the entire ordeal of losing a pet, but I am so glad she was.  

Comments (15)Add Comment
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written by MileHighDad, May 14, 2008
smilies/wink.gif Touching story Joe. Nice use of the word existential, that by itself is a poignant word, hah, another cool word. Where am I going with this? Don't know...
Losing a pet is often more troubling for an adult than it is for kids. When my dog was put down my son was almost 3 at the time and it was a "ya whatever" attitude. But that time in my life was killing me.
We have had talks about death since but I don't think he really understands what forever is, other than being a long, long time.
smilies/cool.gif MileHighDad
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written by MileHighDad, May 14, 2008
smilies/wink.gif Touching story Joe. Nice use of the word existential, that by itself is a poignant word, hah, another cool word. Where am I going with this? Don't know...
Losing a pet is often more troubling for an adult than it is for kids. When my dog was put down my son was almost 3 at the time and it was a "ya whatever" attitude. But that time in my life was killing me.
We have had talks about death since but I don't think he really understands what forever is, other than being a long, long time.
smilies/cool.gif MileHighDad
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written by peteej, May 14, 2008
When my cat of 12 years died, my youngest was five and didn't really cry. She finally did after a while, but only a bit. Had the same talk and both kids continually bring it up. "He's running around in a catnip field, right?" Man, I loved that cat.
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written by Frigga, May 14, 2008
Hello, here via Sassy Mama Bear!

That was a great post. However, I wonder why you don't believe they care just because they don't cry. I've lost many pets I've loved, but never cried over a single one.

I also lost my Grandma last year. I was very close to her and it was very upsetting. I was (still am sometimes) filled with all sorts of twisting emotions. But no, it was very hard for me to cry and had almost no tears. Everybody mourns in a different way and just because you can see it doesn't mean that they don't feel it. (I'd hate to think people assumed I just didn't care about my Grandma!)

Just my two cents smilies/smiley.gif
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written by Melisa, May 14, 2008
The other two may cry, and they may not. The loss might not even hit them at all for a while.

When we had to take our dog to the vet to have her put down, our kids, then 8 and 11, knew what was going to happen because we talked with them about it (the dog was sick for several months before that), and when Jim and I were leaving for the vet I said, "Guys, come and say goodbye to Bijoux."

Both boys came over, gave her a courtesy pat on the head and said, "Bye" in the style of "SEE YA!"

It was slightly annoying to me but adults do handle these things differently.
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written by Christine @ Serenity How?, May 14, 2008
Very sweet. I was afraid toward the end that you were going to say your 5 y.o. cried because of the ice cream. Whew.

You handled that really well (the cat death) and honestly, I don't think my 6 1/2 y.o. would cry. My 8 1/2 y.o. DEFINITELY would, but not my youngest. She's so matter of fact about things, just like her dad. She would SAY she's sad and that would be it. Sometimes I'd like to see her react with some emotion but she's not wired that way. It doesn't mean she's not affected.
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written by Lisa's Chaos, May 14, 2008
Sassy Mama Bear told me to get my behind over her or else! Stomping on Ice Cream, I do it everyday. Ok, maybe not, but you made the scene come to life!
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written by Xbox4NappyRash, May 15, 2008
Dude, I just couldn't get past the fact you 'took care' of your wee cat in your closet like that...

Cold man, cold.
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written by jen, May 15, 2008
so sori to hear about your cat Joe
what a good daddy you are
you know the others might still get upset in the nest day or so
im sure theyll be fine with a good dad like you around though
peace
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written by Mama Bear, May 15, 2008
Sorry about the cat, you know I was worried when my oldest never seemed to show physical signs of emotion when we dealt with grief, but that turned out to be the fact he internalized his feelings more than our other son.
I do have to chuckle at the do not step on the ice cream, mine would be trying to lick it off the floor.
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written by Sadia, May 15, 2008
I'm sorry about the loss of your cat. I think kids have a better handle on it than we do. Doesn't seem fair.

In a single day, I once heard myself say, "We do not put crayons in the dishwasher" and "Please take your foot out of your sister's ear."
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written by matt, May 15, 2008
Sorry to hear about the cat. Dreading the day our dog dies, to be honest.
That being said, The ice cream analysis had me laughing in my office. The inflection on the "the" was the funniest part.
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written by rdhmom, May 15, 2008
we just had to put one of our dogs to sleep this past weekend. Our daughter cried and cried...our son...nothing...but his behavior was really shitty all weekend and then on Monday evening during dinnertime prayers he asked God to "take real good care of Zackie because he was the best dog ever"...we had tears in our eyes.
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written by Momo Fali, May 16, 2008
You've probably desensitized them with too much CSI.

I'm sorry about your cat. Do you want to borrow my dog?
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written by prin, May 16, 2008
Sometimes, all the grief comes out at something else instead, so watch out for something trivial being disproportionately sad. So I've heard, anyway.

I'm sorry for your loss. (hugs)

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