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Am I a Hero? | Print |  E-mail
Written by Joeprah   
 
on Wednesday February 20, 2008
Editor's rating No rating
Average user rating 10/10   (1 vote)
Views 565    
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My family has routines. We thrive in order. For instance, every day we all wake up at different times and get ready at different paces. There are activity days where one of our children will have an activity at either 5 o'clock or 6 o'clock or 3:30.  Very easy to get into a flow around here.  Things just kinda fall into place.  At least once a week I have a sports activity that either starts at 7pm, 8pm or 9pm.  Most nights my wife comes home between 6:00 and 6:45 but sometimes she comes home a little later.  We have it down to a science.  But with all these times and activities to worry about, when do the children get fed?  Good question.  I found out recently that there is actually an absolute breaking point or threshold of which you do not want to cross.  You most likely don't want to wait until 9pm to feed your kids.  If you do, make sure they get something fast to eat like crackers or stale bread.  10pm is pretty dicey.  Kids act like an addict escaping a methadone clinic (more so than usual that is) at about this hour if unfed.  Now, have you ever seen the movie 28 Days Later? (totally required)  There are zombified muthas crawling all over the place in this flick.  What makes this movie special is that these Zombies, unlike normal arms stretched out in front slow-walkers, can really freakin' move.  These Zombies are on you faster than Rosie O'Donnell on a Ho Ho after watching a work out video.  If you are foolish enough to let your kids go unfed until 11pm they will start to look and behave much like a zombie, see below.

 

Tick Tock!

Just Noticed it Was Late as All Get Out

I Hear a Strange Sound and Investigate

Zombie Kids

*Zombies always have Helmets and Signs*


I am spry.  And even though I am spry it was all I could do to get in the pantry and grab some shells and cheese dinner for these angry zombie kids.  I was on those shells and cheese faster than another Rosie O'Donnell fat joke.  The kids angrily became seat bound as I occasionally toiled, for what seemed like minutes, over the hot stove.   

Only Zombies Can Stomach That Stuff
Thank You Velveeta!


As I turned to deliver a feast unto my progeny,

I saw an alarming picture. 

Not Foolin' Me Zombies
\"Zzzzzzzzzzz!\"

Sleeping Zombies are Still Hungry Zombies

My zombified kids had fallen asleep without eating their dinners.  Here it is, 12:15ish, zombies asleep on my counter and one thing was for sure.  I had to get food in their zombified bellies or they may wake up in the same state they had fallen asleep.  I knew what I had to do.  I had to feed the sleeping zombies to ensure my survival.

Look at those Chompers!!

I am an average guy doing average stuff, but sometimes I do feel like a hero.  *NOTE* Zombies may or may not be real creatures (probably) and no one wearing a helmet or packing a pasta strainer for a weapon should be confused with the undead.  The information contained within is for training purposes only.

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Users' Comments (7) RSS feed comment
Posted by jessyka, on Wednesday February 20, 2008 , , Guest
OMG...you crack me up. 
 
how in the world did you forget to feed your kids before 11:00pm?! at least they'll sleep in tomorrow...
 
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Posted by Russ, on Wednesday February 20, 2008 , , Registered
You make me smile!
 
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Posted by Mama Bear, on Wednesday February 20, 2008 , , Registered
:eek I am surprised you survived, but they are still smallish zombies wait until they grow.
 
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Posted by Mama Zen, on Wednesday February 20, 2008 , , Guest
Thank heavens for mac and cheese!
 
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Posted by rachel, on Thursday February 21, 2008 , , Guest
Mac and Cheese rocks! 
You are so a hero because you saved the world from the hungry zombie minions! Rock on Dad! :-) 
Too funny.
 
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Posted by Groovy Mom, on Thursday February 21, 2008 , , Guest
I hate that little reset button next to the send button. Just sayin' :p  
 
Sounds like life around here. Luckily, my kids know where I keep the food and will raid the pantry if they get desperate.
 
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Posted by Tara R., on Thursday February 21, 2008 , , Guest
Mac and Cheese is food of the gods... loved the helmets and signs... priceless. :x
 
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