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| The Legend of the Poo Ball | | Print | |
| Written by Pete | |
Guest post by Pete, photographer and dad, from mygpscameraphone.com Back when our eldest was the ripe old age of two years, we - being first-time parents - decided that since she was developing so quickly, it must be time to potty train. No, she didn't show any signs of wanting to actually use the potty, but that was irrelevant. Being first-time parents, we knew everything. It was time for the kid to step up to the porcelain waste repository. The Poo BallOn a stupidly hot and stagnant afternoon in Florida, we were playing in the backyard with the new inflatable kiddie pool and the garden hose. Our crafty daughter was in her BGPs, frolicking in the water with no regard for what her bodily waste functions were doing. This was going to be it. Today, we would be victorious in our potty training efforts. However, the evil genius must have been spying on us, because she foiled our plans and decided to drop a bomb. Waste Disposal Team, Go!I could have picked it up with lead-lined gloves or rented a stump grinder, but in the end I did what any smart dad would have done. I assaulted the brown beast with the strongest jet of water our garden hose could produce. I smiled when it began to break apart like a shoddy dollar store toy, but then realized the real weapon was contained on the inside. Like a cluster bomb made of rotting garbage, the fragmenting poo ball began to emit a fragrance that I will remember into my next life. EpilogueThe days passed and our daughter grew even more intelligent, but she finally tired of making us groan with gifts of fresh poo and moved on to other things that three-year-olds do. Our second daughter arrived and cursed us upon exiting the womb for putting her through such a horrific incident, but I think she has since forgiven us. In her case, we didn't try to make her potty train, even though she was totally playing like she wasn't able to. We called her bluff for three years until she finally relented and used the potty. Pete publishes My GPS Camera Phone, a photoblog based on camera phone photos, photo editing tips and camera phone reviews. He currently lives in the House of Estrogen located in north central Florida with his wife, two daughters, three dogs, one cat and one rabbit. All You Gots to Do is Click            
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We tried all possible toilet training appliances and methods, fully aware that she was doing something wrong when none of them succeeded in producing a golden egg. This got us to wonder if her incredible development was slipping into the bad gene cess pool that every parent worries about. Rather than fall for this trickery, we determined that her intelligence was so superior to ours that her non-use of the potty was premeditated, designed as a tool to make us suffer miserably. 
I approached cautiously, fully expecting the poo to come flying out at me like crazed Capuchin monkey, but apparently she didn't have time to prepare for such an elaborate trap. It didn't matter though, because as I carefully pulled down the BGPs, the mysterious poo revealed itself in all its brownish-yellowish glory. 
Finally, the poo ball was defeated.
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