Joeprah - Parenting with Humor - The Worst Height a Child Can Be

October

2008

Joeprah News

The Winner!! The Sony Cyber-shot DSC-W120

So, it has been decided. Tonight at USTREAM I held a live drawing to decide who won the Sony Cyber-shot digital camera give-away. With 365 entries to the contest from over 70 entrants the contest was, dare I say, a big deal. My three daughters aided me in the drawing. The youngest shook the bag holding all the names of those entered in the contest, my middle child picked the winner, and my eldest read the name of the winner. Who won?

The Winner:

Congratulations to Loomis2!!! Loomis entered a scant '3' times and somehow pulled out the camera.

Thanks

Thanks to all of you who entered the contest. Your participation has pretty much locked that I will be able to give away some more awesome stuff, so stay tuned--k? If you do stay tuned you will be treated to awesome videos of my adorable girls being goofy and funny, hilarious articles (I am so serious) and much, much more. Look around and check out what Joeprah is about if you are a new subscriber. Read, watch and interact. Word.

The Sony Cyber-shot Give-Away: The Combatants

Here is a list of the folks entered in the Sony Cyber-shot give-away thus far. You are all now mortal enemies. Take a good look at this list. Find your name and make sure you are down for the correct amount of entries. For instance, if you already area subscriber of Joeprah and you weren't given credit for the 3 subscriber entries--let me know. If you disagree with the amount of entries I have you down for, let me know and I will update it. Thanks!

Sheena 4 entries
ciara 6 entries
Kitiara 3 entries
Mr. Big Dubya 1 entry
Manager Mom 1 entry
Dad of Divas 11 entries
Stacey 11 entries
Birdie 11 entries
Lori 1 entry
Charlie Patpk 1 entry
Mommy Needs Therapy 4 entries
Adriane 1 entry
Madame Meow 11 entries
KJWB03 11 entries
A Buns Life 6 entries
Jen 3 Entries
GoaldeeBug 11 entries
Patrick D 9 entries
SAM 1 entry
flickrlovr 11 entries
Mr. Lady 11 entries
Weasel Momma 11 entries
David “Father of Five” 6 entries
Leslie Webb 1 entry
Trysh 4 entries
Jared 6 entries
Stephanie 8? Entries
Imtheglue 1 entry
MightyBoognish 9 entries
Jenny 1 entry
Smoochiefrog 4 entries
Wornoutwoman 6 entries
Aimee Greeblemonkey 1 entry
Khyle 1 entry
Bill 1 entry
Ourcrookedtree 6 entries
Joy Smith 11 entries
MHD 6 entries
Courtney 9 entries
A Cowboy’s Wife 1 entry
Aqhej 3 entries
Amber 4 entries
I am a trouble Maker 11 entries
Literal Dan 6 entries
Tanyetta 9 entries
Jenny2 1 entry
Jennifer England 10 entries
Misty 5 entries
Summer 1 entry
Lunanik 4 entries
Carly 3 entries
Deb 1 entry
Matt 1 entry
Phil 1 entry
May 6 entries
Jess 1 entry
Kim 1 entry
Ginny 11 entries
Hubs 6 entries
Pam 1 entry
Charlie 1 entry
Wendy 1 entry
Maria 7 entries
Nuke Dad 2 entries
Busy Mom 6 entries
AsCapeCodTurns 4 entries
Loomis2 3 entries
Jeremy 4 entries
Russ 4 entries
Julie 6 entries
Shannon 1 entry
Tom 5 entries
Becca 1 entry
James 4 entries
Dawn 1 entry
Kristinia 9 entries

Let the trash talking begin!

Joeprah Updates

I am in the process of retooling my site a bit and I will be adding some new features along with some of the changes. Some exciting stuff is about to be added that will make the Joeprah experience perhaps even more mediocre than before. I am obvious stoked.

The Galleries

Loomis, a Joeprah user, came up with a fantastic suggestion. Why not allow Joeprah users the privildege of uploading their own personal photos into the new "Gallery" section of Joeprah? I thought about it, and it was such a great idea that I took action--immediately. I will be creating more galleries for any registered user to upload into, but currently there is a section for "Summer Fun I," "Family Pictures I," "Pictures of You I," and "Your Best Work I." To access the galleries to upload into them, simply click on the "My Galleries" link at the top right of the Gallery Section at Joeprah (it can be found here). Uploading should be fairly self-explanatory, but that being said I am sure some folks may need assistance. If you do have problems...enter my next update.

The Forum

I have installed a new forum component. You can go the forum either at its direct link here or by visiting the forum via Joeprah.com itself. If you have any tech questions in regards to using any of the features at Joeprah.com simply go to the forum and enter your questions there. If you are a blogger and want to show of your blog or you have questions regarding blogging, check out the section in the forum dedicated to all things blog related. If you are parent seeking an outlet to vent, or ask advice of other parents on how to deal with some parenting topics that are currently confounding you, check out the section dedicated to that. There are some social sections in the forum and I hope it takes on a life of its own. If you want any new sections or if you want to be a moderator--inquire within. Basically, go, post, and interact. It should be off-da-hook. Awesome.

Finally, I am starting a new section:

Hot Topic Debates

In addition to all my normal robust and amazingly trivial posts, I am going to post news stories, political windfalls, and or basically anything that stirs the pot so to speak that I think my readers would be interested in adding their two cents to. I would like get folks involved so they can speak their minds, find out what other people think and more or less stay informed. To kick things off in this section I would like to see what people think about this news story (I know it is a few days old, but it is still worth exploring).

The Independence Day Contest

I have been uber swamped lately and I didn't post an update, but I wanted to let those folks still in contention know where they stand as we head down the stretch. Amazingly, there has been some changes to the leaderboard. The top three bloggers up until today are:

Kim at Jogging in Circles with 6,923 Referrals

Jared at DadThing with 6,710 Referrals

Momo at MomoFali with 6,630 Referrals

Kim, has made some huge strides as of late and the last few days will prove to be pivotal. Some advice; digg, stumble and otherwise promote your remaining blog posts...any sort of exposure will be key. Best of luck and I can't wait to annouce the winner. At the end of the contest, I will spread link love through the valley of blogger-dom. It will be a fantastic celebration and truly there were no losers.

I am about to release my July Newsletter with some exciting results on how much money I made during the month of June and how I went about doing so. Are you as anxious to find out the BuzzFuse results as I am? Word.

That is all for now. Return to work.

Big Time News & The Contest Winner

Big Time News

I am leaving for Atlanta today to participate in a video shoot. Yep, you heard that right. Me. Video shoot. I am working with Graco on a great project along with some other bloggers. The project will be off the hook, by in large due to my participation, and as soon as I have time I will post all the details of both my trip and the actually project itself.

In My Stead

Over the next couple of days I leave you in the willing and capable digits of one Pete J from MyGpsCameraPhone. Pete is a close bloggy friend of mine and I trust him like I trust myself (see not very much at all). He will continue the tradition of Joeprah by delivering mediocre content. Mediocre, which Pete will assuredly exceed, will actually be a step up, so you may be begging for Pete to stay on full-time.

Contest Winner

I didn't forget. I used my webcam this morning to tape the drawing and I used one of my daughters to choose the winner. The video wouldn't upload although I tried as hard as one man can to upload it. I feel Blip.Tv was afraid of its intrinsic awesomeness, which is understandable. Anyways, you are going to have to trust me when I say that the winner was Smoochie Frog. I will post the video someday...as long as Blip allows for amazing videos to see the light of day. As for the next contest, I will post the details either when I return on Thursday or next Monday. Stay tuned as I have some amazing stuff to give away over the course of the next few weeks. I am totally serious.

I Rule: Awards

I think everyone that reads my blog is a super star to some degree. First, they have put up with how quirky it is. Slow page loading times (a thing of the past I hope, see next post) and obnoxious colors--not to mention how stuck on myself (rightly so) I am. So, if you are reading this, take a bow. Now, there are some elite Joeprah followers that not only stomach my daily diatribe, but they actually think it to be noteworthy--so noteworthy in fact, that they have deemed it acceptable to don me with awards. I would like to call these folks "Super-Dee-Duper-Stars." First, I got a really cool mention from Penny over at Cafe at the End of the Universe, then HuckDoll, this was followed by Christine at Serenity How recognizing my awesomeness, and, to top it off, not one but two awards. Now, these award givers have crazy good taste and I'm just saying, "They're right to acknowledge my smooth ways." There is this rockin' award from Rachel at A Southern Fairy Tale:

It is totally homemade and really cool because it has the tell tale pinkness of a mom blog. And not to be outdone, we have Tara from If Mommy Says Ok dropping some more hardware on ol' Joeprah:

I just wanted to say "You're Right," to everyone that took time to write about me on their blogs and for correctly noticing how insanely amazing I am. Thanks! Carry on.

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The Worst Height a Child Can Be

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Written by Joeprah

on Monday June 2, 2008

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Toddlers Dads everywhere know what I’m talking about when I say that children around the ages of 2-3 reach critical mass in the height department. Once a child reaches “junk” height they become a danger to dads, uncles and granddads alike. The amount of pain they inflict on an adult male can only be described as shocking. Toddlers are the perfect weapon.

Why are they the perfect weapon?

They have little to no conscience
Their heads are large in comparison to their bodies thus causing them to lean forward when they run
They run constantly
They are very difficult to get angry at
They attack without notice

Some people think toddlers are cute and I agree—for the most part. But what many people fail to acknowledge is that each toddler has a dark side. Toddlers alone aren’t difficult to handle, but rarely do they inflict mortal damage on a guy’s satchel without an accomplice. Toddler’s accomplices come in all shapes and sizes. An accomplice can be someone who simply deters a man’s attention away from a toddler long enough for them to get a head start and barrel into their mid-section. Some accomplices are inanimate objects like the television or an open refrigerator. Toddlers can sense a distracted male like sharks smelling blood in the open ocean. Refer to video: