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| The Playgroup Play Along Game for Dads | | Print | |
| Written by Joeprah | |
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After being in the playgroup circuit for over 7 years, I have started to discover that certain conversations and certain words are more an affront to me as a Chuck Norris fearing dude. I, like all guys, compete, so I have created a game that all men everywhere can partake in if they ever go to a playgroup. Now, for some unknown reason, ladies think that playgroups are both "gossip time" and also time to talk about their pregnancies so I have created a list of key words and their respective point totals in a game format so that you, an average guy, can find out just how much estrogen you have been exposed to. The point system below was devised based on how difficult certain words are to hear for a guy. Here is how the scoring system works:
The Playgroup Play Along Game for Dads
**special thanks to Pete, Pete Rules for pointing out the breastfeeding issue** The Next Section is the Pregnancy Section and contains ideas as well as terminology
Bonus Round! You get 5 points for each time you hear these words:
How did you score?
Under 20 points or "Mild Estrogen Exposure"Now, if you just attended a playgroup and the score was under 20 points you need to buck up young man, you are one of the lucky ones. Rub some dirt on it and move along, 'tis merely a flesh wound. 20 to 30 points or "Intermediate Estrogen Exposure"If you just returned from a playgroup and you tallied over 20 points but less then 30 you deserve a cold beer and about an hour of watching the three stooges to re-assimilate back into male culture. 30 to 40 points or "Advanced Estrogen Exposure"If you returned from a playgroup and you marked down between 30 to 40 points on your scorecard you need a six pack S.T.A.T. Also, I suggest detoxing from the estrogen overload by lifting weights, mowing the lawn, trying to change your oil (even if you don't know how), or heading to the driving range and getting the 'Jumbo' bucket. 40 to 50 points or "Severe Estrogen Exposure"If you are one of the soldiers that just endured hell on Earth, that is if have just returned from a session where you tallied between 40-50 points, there are no easy answers. I don't know why this happens to good people, but I do offer a solution. *Note: This is a long term strategy* Begin playing a first person shooter console game immediately. If you do not have a first person shooter game, resort to Madden or another sport/fighting game if you don't have this watch Rocky over and over. By day two of this you should now be able to detox by using the same strategy employed for those who suffered a 30 to 40 point scorecard. If you have flashbacks to the playgroup you should immediately begin playing a console game until that feeling subsides. Also you will need at least 36 hot wings a large pizza (you can choose the toppings) and around 12-48 beers (depending on your tolerance of course) to get through this. Over 50 Points or "Epic Estrogen Exposure"Finally, if you have endured a round of over 50 points you are most likely at Ann Taylor Loft trying on clothes. Pray that someone finds you before you start scrap-booking or trying your hand at needle point while watching a Hugh Grant flick. I have heard rumors of a guy that had a 200 point round. Legend has it that he ran off leaving mainstream society completely. Months later, as it was passed down to me, he eventually surfaced in some underworld sewing circle. *note: this story is most likely completely made up, but totally possible* If you have experienced this type of playgroup, first, I am so very,very sorry. Second, you need to calm down. Take a standing ten count. There are three known solutions to bring a fella back from the brink after such an event:
Lingering effects of such an exposure include, but are not limited to:
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Comments (28)
 
That IS hilarious! So funny, in fact, that I'm stumbling this post! Thanks for sharing it.
Also...this proves that playgroups REALLY are NO place for children. 1
May 08, 2008
Votes: +0
This is why I don't hang out with playgroup type ladies and stay in my little bubble. Those woman scare me....
3
May 08, 2008
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I have a feeling this post will soon be in e-mail in-boxes all over the world. Just a hunch...but, I'm thinking so fellas can relate.
4
May 07, 2008
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joe!
love it. you are hilarious for actually coming up with a game for this. "sore/chaffing" hahaha stay strong man, mama bear  6
May 07, 2008
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LOL! I'm not your average playgroup attendee. I do occasionally talk about my period. Okay, maybe more than occasionally, but the other stuff is not a part of my vocabulary. Maybe that's why I don't do so well in the playgroup circuit myself.
7
May 07, 2008
Votes: +0
Awww CRAP! Wow did I score high based on all the play groups I've been to. Hell, I her most of that stuff every other day now that the sister in law is preggos. Good thing I'll be in Vegas for a detox next week. Although I am most excited about the 2 shows I'm seeing....dammit!
8
May 07, 2008
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I'm a woman and I can't stand to hear about all the crap. I hate having to listen to women talk about birthing and breastfeeding. I can however talk about McDreamy and McSteamy all day long.
9
May 07, 2008
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:eek Hey Joeprah, I ranked a light Intermediate...
I almost got some on me one time when a group of moms on a rainy afternoon, they were at our clubhouse sitting in a circle and they started talking about their Lesbian sisters love affairs. To hear about a younger sisters womanly affair from a bitter older sister is something I would not wish anybody to have to listen to. I found a reason why we needed to leave, like 5 minutes ago. What do you think, does this rank a point value? -MileHiDad  www.milehighdad.com 10
May 07, 2008
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omg. I so hope I never end up estrogeny enough for those conversations. *faints*
11
May 07, 2008
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Hysterical.. I need to show this to a girlfriend of mine.. she will literally pee herself .. we joke about some of the stuff on this list all the time.. McDreamy being the most annoying catch phrase in the world..hahahah
12
May 07, 2008
Votes: +0
I would like to add a solution. What you need to find is a "buffer mom". These are rare, but totally worth the search. A "buffer mom" can deflect pregnancy-speak, shopping talk (even the dreaded Longaberger) and scrapbookease like a sheild. A "buffer mom" seems to be able to interact with the playgroupies on a regular basis as long as she is rewarded with the occasional poker game. It is good for all to detox the playgroup soul.
13
May 07, 2008
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I used to lament the fact that I don't know many people in real life with kids. Used to.
14
May 06, 2008
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I've never said any of those things. I guess that explains why I was always shunned by the mommies at any of the play groups I tried to join.
15
May 06, 2008
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Holy Crap that was funny! Fortunately for me I regularly score in the below 20 category. As a preventive measure, I still play Call of Duty 4 on a daily basis (online mostly).
16
May 06, 2008
Votes: +0
You also forgot to mention the whole breast/bottle feeding stuff. I hear that all the time. In these parts, it seems to be the default question that you're supposed to ask if you encounter a newborn. Latching on, breast pumps, breast size due to all the baby-raising juice, sore breasts, etc... You know.
17
May 06, 2008
Votes: +0
BEST POST EVER! I love the creativity! Makes me think you are getting more sleep than me. I am feeling like all creativity has drained from my system lately. It is either lack of sleep or.........are you ready for it????????.......wait for it...........MY THIRD DEGREE TEAR ACTING UP!
tee hee...sorry couldn't help it. How many points is that? 18
May 06, 2008
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Now I know why I feel like becoming a raging alcoholic.
Thanks for the points system alternative to excessive alcohol. It's cheaper, more fun and leaves no hangover (but post-traumatic stress disorder may ensue). 19
May 06, 2008
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That was comedy gold Joeprah well done. I don't have kids so I don't know how the playgroups are but I believe the point system you set up was pretty solid.
20
May 06, 2008
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:grin This well seasoned mama can fully attest that this would be a good reason for any man to need some male R&R, and I laughed my bottom off reading it.
I was so not a good playgroup mommy during my years. 22
May 06, 2008
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That is hilarious! Believe me, once we get to a certain age, even women get tired of hearing, and discussing these same topics. Any dad that can put up with it should be rewarded handsomely! :grin
23
May 06, 2008
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Hilarious! Keep in mind that I am not a biological mother and my biological clock has about timed out, but... I thought this was funny! Of course, I don't know what new mom's are going to say.
24
May 06, 2008
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I am so glad I popped over from Huckdoll's. We need a Dude like you in our play group to shut us the eff up.
Now, go practice your quilting, and don't forget to change your tampon every 4-6 hours. 25
May 06, 2008
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yeah, just what was your exposure level after your last event? I'm a chica and even I don't wanna be exposed to that much estrogen. Do they ever start conversing about periods etc...then turn to you and apologize? *L* I guess they figure if you're there, you're big enough to handle it. What do you do? Feign interest and laugh along? Put on your seriously interested face and nod understandingly? I do that a lot while I'm thinking about eating or shopping...anything else that's not related to bloody show and Longaberger. Tell me, is there a guide to proper playgroup etiquette for mixed SAHM & SAHD playgroups?
 *oi* Good luck on your next playgroup.26
May 06, 2008
Votes: +0
I haven't been to many playgroups but I've had some serious exposure; a lot of these terms are very familiar to me. But there's hope even for survivors of epic exposure: just watch Delta Force a few times. The Chuck Norris image is enough to drop your estrogen levels ten points every time. For serious cases though, you may have to have Chuck roundhouse kick the estrogen out of you. Painful, but it can save your life.
27
May 06, 2008
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