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| Written by Joeprah | |
*Note: All the pictures in the post are "clickable." For the full effect that each picture posseses click them. Once clicked the larger image will appear...just click 'em and see for yourself, k?* So, I have been meaning to write about something that is both a bonus and a cross to bear for stay at home dads--facial hair. Personally, I hate shaving, but I like the fresh feeling that one receives after a nice shave. Shaving ones face is just not natural. Did the dinosaurs do it? I think not. Shaving irritates my skin because it's just plain wrong. Seriously, who thought this one up. The guy w First, let's examine the Stay at Home Dad in his natural state:
The Shaven Stay at Home Dad:
Ok, for all of you who have no idea what business time is let me just include you in the club. You'll, of course, thank me.
Joeprah and the Ratio:
So what is your stance on the whole shaving thing? Do you shave? Do you like your hubby to shave everyday or just once in a while? Speak up. Be heard.
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So here we have the "stay at home dad" or "SAHD" or as I like to call him "me." Notice the hat on the head. This hat is placed securely on the head so as to not reveal the sordid state of affairs that lies just beneath its surface. The hat is God's way of saying, "Dude, you don't want to look under here, its not pretty." And I thank God for that and the toothbrush, and my loving family. Furthermore, notice the glazed look in that dude's eyes. He just doesn't care about his appearance and that is admirable if not braggable. I sometimes, as a SAHD, find the unshaven look to be a turn on for the ladies (meaning my wife) as it increases business time by .000001% (a statistical certainty). I, somehow, turn into more of a badass with all the facial hair. I am more "unpredictable" or "slightly unstable" because extra hair on a guy's face just does that to him. Ladies, meaning my wife, acknowledge this .000001% as a turn on. This is part of th
e reason for the facial hair, but the real reason--laziness. That's right. It's easier to not shave. Actually, I have found it is easier to not do most things. For instance, not vacuuming is a whole heck of a lot easier than vacuuming. Try it and see for yourself. I admit that being lazy plays a part in the whole not shavi
ng thing and although I have been accused of being lots of things (handsome, charming, somehow stronger than I look, excellent at Scattegories) I have not been accused of being overly lazy, so what is really at play here? Motivation. Where is it? What is it? Who is it? I know these questions seem complicated, but they all end up with me looking at the razor hanging in the shower thinking, "Eh." When you are a SAHD you essentially have no reason to shave...ever. There are societal constraints that tell us furry people are not to be trusted. Furry people are thought to either be sending bombs via the US mail or the really dumb bad guy from Superman II, so, predictably, I try to avoid these connotations. It's hard though, when you look so tough, as I do, with facial hair. People just get the wrong idea. So, this eventually leaves me no option but to shave.
Like other shaven people, the SAHD is a bit ironical. On one hand, he has no need to shave and looks, eh, ok not shaving, but on the other hand, once shaven, the SAHD begins a metamorphisis. Once a hairy, homeless looking dude the SAHD now has been transformed into an almost tolerable looking gent. In a criminal line-up the stay at home dad no longer blends in, rather he sticks out like a superstar version of himself. His hair, that once laid beneath a hat, has now been freed of its constraints and feathered lightly with pomade for good measure. Notice the glint in the eye and the smile on the face, this guy has got it goin' on. Oh, but wait...what's that? Is it dark outside? I forgot to mention that SAHDs typically aren't bothered by time constraints and can bathe anytime between 7:00am (see 'when golfing') to 9:00pm. Showering later does have its benefits of course. If you, as a guy, smell all fresh as a daisy later in the evening, ahem, you have exactly a .000002% greater chance of "business time."
As a SAHD and a blogger the late shower isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let me explain, most of my best writing is done at night and what better way to get ready for a night of blogging than to be all professional like with the clean shaven look. Bonus right? This perpetually late schedule of blogging in the wee hours of the night takes a toll on a SAHD, but a nice shave changes all that and instead of feeling grungy and gruff, I am now feeling like a corporate big wig ready to tackle the problems of a multi-national power house that is Joeprah. Yeah, I have readers from other countries like Canada and Venezuela and possibly many more. I think it's all about perception sometimes and I want my perception on the internet to be one of a clean or somewhat clean shaven guy. There are many reasons for this but the main reason is what I would like to call "The Ratio." 
What, pray tell, is the Ratio Joeprah? The Ratio is a mathematical term really. It is the difference, myself and other 
Clearly there is a correlation between being maintained and BT Christine. I am not sure the exact percentage with the hairy neck, but I think it is somewhere in the .000004% range and very important, just like brushing teeth and recycling. 
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