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My Finest Work Burger King: You Aint No Chick-Fil-A | Burger King: You Aint No Chick-Fil-A | | Print | |
| Written by Joeprah | |
So, by now, you may have guessed that I prefer Chick-Fil-A over all other fast food joints. Sometimes though I need to remind myself why I love Chick-Fil-A so much--enter Burger King. Recently, I went on a play date to a local Burger King when the kids had off from school. What I found during my brief but excruciating stay at BK was a laundry of list of things that not only annoyed me but also had me thinking about my true love--a Chick named Fil-A . Reasons why I hate BK: 1. They think they are cool. Have you ever not liked something just because they thought they were so cool? Like in middle school. You remember those kids that wore Polo shirts and Guess Jeans and sat at a special table where they could discuss why you were ushering in the grunge look 10 years too soon. I proudly also ushered in the your-pants-are-falling-down-exposing-your-boxers look unintentionally because my parents could only afford the clearance guess jeans that only fit a version of myself that weighed about 150 pounds more than I did. Yep, you have me to thank for that. Anyways, BK, yeah that's what this post is about, BK thinks itself to be the bomb-diggity. Guess what? Not-Even-Close. Their food sucks. The service, also horrid and the atmosphere is a combination of McDonalds and Walmart except worse. Proof? You want proof that they think they are cool. Check out the following picture.  Here you see they have a cute little "Pairs Well With" chart on their soft drink machine. You have got to be freakin' kiddin' right? Nope. They are as serious as a flame broiled heart attack. Does Sprite really go better with "The Angus" than the Coke? The answer is absolutely--not! In this lame attempt to be ironic and cool they lost me. Yes, I took a picture of this and yes that means I am a total dork, but it felt good doing it. I used to work in the wine industry in sales on a retail level and for an importer. To say I know wine is to say I know a little something about Table Tennis (I rawk). Anyways, I did give advice and speculate as to what would pair better with what as far as wine and food went, but guess what, if your mother-in-law thinks White Merlot is Holla material then gets her White Merlot--period. The thing is, get what you like, unless you truly like everything than suggestions do help. I knew this one dude who talked like he made the wine and was all kinds of a wine snob on folks, it turns people off and it is lame. So is BK. 2. They have ridiculously large play places. In the larger BK's they have indoor kids play areas. Now, you may be saying, "Joeprah, isn't that a good thing?" Let me explain. These play places are usually colossal. I am talking upwards of twenty-five feet tall and up with  It's strange because toddlers can usually get up ok into the very tops of these play places , but coming down not so much. Sometimes I think toddlers are brilliant, but when they are stuck and crying in a place they begged to be in the first place they lose all credibility. 3. The Food. Unless you are some kind of burger freak or hopped up on pain meds then you would have to agree with me that everything from the crisco french fries to the disgusting chicken tenders are about as lame as Krispy Kreme doughnuts dipped in hot sauce. But if this is where the playgroup wants to go, I defer to the power of the group. I hate taking my kids to places I know they are going to take one look at the food and be all like, "Ummm, Nuh Uh!" Thanks BK! In these situations I do what any good parent would do, allow my kids not to eat. The food is so nasty I rather them go hungry then eat that crap. If the devil were to make pressed chicken nuggets they would look like the ones they serve at BK. No thanks, not now, not ever. Dip those suckers in ranch and they still taste like a rubber band cooked in an easy bake oven. Here is a picture of my girls enjoying their food.  Overview, Chick-Fil-A doesn't think its cool, it knows it's cool...BK--stuck on itself for no reason. Play places at Chick-Fil-A are compact and easy to climb in saving you embarassment if your toddler somehow became trapped 5 feet off the ground. The food at Chick-Fil-A pwns BK's nastiness. Result game over, Chick-Fil-A wins. Thanks to my assistant editors:
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a maze of plastic and netting that could confuse Indian Jones. When you go big with these play places you alienate one critical demographic--toddlers. Toddlers love to go in play places, but are also easily trapped. They get afraid of heights and or everything and require a parent to rescue them. You know the inside of these play places smells pretty much like urine. Its because kids, left to their own devices will find away to relieve themselves. Their is adequate cover and lets face it, parents let their kids go in these places so they can eat and otherwise forget they have kids for a short period of time. So it isn't a stretch to think kids pee in there. I do know that kids will throw up in them. A mixture of fast food and gymnastics is test on even those with the strongest of constitutions. So here we have pee and throw up and judging by the bathrooms at BK I can gather they don't spend a lot of time disinfecting their play places. Every time I go into a fast food joint with a big play place I immediately size up how hard it is going to be for me to get inside and climb up the play place because it is more than likely going to happen. 
We've only recently acquired a Sonic. Don't you feel sorry for us? BK, we gots plenty of. 
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