| on Tuesday March 18, 2008 |
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 Let me set the stage for you, it is around 10:30 PM and I am pluggin’ away on my blog. I am in the morning room of our house and my wife is in the nearby family room. I am about to write another masterpiece and then I hear it--the unmistakable sound of estrogen-fueled-poorly-written-dialogue. This sound is way more disturbing to me than fingernails ran across a blackboard. The Lifetime Channel is on and my wife is watching another “Made for TV” movie that, on top of being written by women who think all men are evil, is as laughable in the acting department as it is in the writing. Each time I hear melodramatic music playing and a heroine sob I get about as annoyed as a Swiper the Fox at a snapping convention (see really annoyed). Now, let me be clear, I love my ladies and I empathize more with women now, being a stay at home dad, than I have ever before. I am pro-women. Women rule. What I do not like is mushy gushy, insult your intelligence plots with B-actors and actresses delivering performances slightly better than the voice over talent deliverd in the “Dragon Tales” studio. My performance as a blogger drops intensely whenever I am within earshot of the Lifetime Channel just out of pure frustration as the chart below details.
  Typically, I can type around 70 words per minute (wpm) when I am in the groove. That tally may either sound awe inspiring to some of you or pathetic and I can insure you that it is the latter. When I hear the Lifetime Channel everything changes, it's like I am turning into the Incredible Hulk. All my neurons begin to fire sending neurotransmitters across synaptic gaps all with one purpose--to belittle the show my wife is watching. I know she enjoys my witty jabs at her shows expense, why else would she put them on time and time again. As you can see from the chart, I abhor the Lifetime Channel and although I can’t stand CSI and Law and Order, they are no match for the mind numbing idiocy that I hear when my wife puts on good ol’ channel 31. I am not sure what channel the Lifetime Channel is in your viewing area but I will forever view the number 31 (ironically the reverse of lucky 13) as second only to 666 when it comes to being a harbinger of bad stuff.
I could continue on for longer than most people could justify as to why the LC is wicked dumb but I will stop here and find out what other folks have to say on the topic. Do you watch the LC? Are you stupid? Then why are you watching it? Nothing else on? Still, why? Oh, you’re drunk, but still, why? You need to see how it ends? It ends with a sappy/corny/wish you hadn’t watched up to this point ending followed by credits. There, I saved you the trouble now all you have to do is write a comment that says “Thank You Joeprah.” Word.
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I think that would be reading between the lines, I never came out and said I don't like the channel or anything did I? 
I believe you covered them, and you covered them well I might add. You should do a lifetime post out of solidarity. 
Don't be bashin' Law and Order! 
