Here is a list of the folks entered in the Sony Cyber-shot give-away thus far. You are all now mortal enemies. Take a good look at this list. Find your name and make sure you are down for the correct amount of entries. For instance, if you already area subscriber of Joeprah and you weren't given credit for the 3 subscriber entries--let me know. If you disagree with the amount of entries I have you down for, let me know and I will update it. Thanks!
I am in the process of retooling my site a bit and I will be adding some new features along with some of the changes. Some exciting stuff is about to be added that will make the Joeprah experience perhaps even more mediocre than before. I am obvious stoked.
The Galleries
Loomis, a Joeprah user, came up with a fantastic suggestion. Why not allow Joeprah users the privildege of uploading their own personal photos into the new "Gallery" section of Joeprah? I thought about it, and it was such a great idea that I took action--immediately. I will be creating more galleries for any registered user to upload into, but currently there is a section for "Summer Fun I," "Family Pictures I," "Pictures of You I," and "Your Best Work I." To access the galleries to upload into them, simply click on the "My Galleries" link at the top right of the Gallery Section at Joeprah (it can be found here). Uploading should be fairly self-explanatory, but that being said I am sure some folks may need assistance. If you do have problems...enter my next update.
The Forum
I have installed a new forum component. You can go the forum either at its direct link here or by visiting the forum via Joeprah.com itself. If you have any tech questions in regards to using any of the features at Joeprah.com simply go to the forum and enter your questions there. If you are a blogger and want to show of your blog or you have questions regarding blogging, check out the section in the forum dedicated to all things blog related. If you are parent seeking an outlet to vent, or ask advice of other parents on how to deal with some parenting topics that are currently confounding you, check out the section dedicated to that. There are some social sections in the forum and I hope it takes on a life of its own. If you want any new sections or if you want to be a moderator--inquire within. Basically, go, post, and interact. It should be off-da-hook. Awesome.
In addition to all my normal robust and amazingly trivial posts, I am going to post news stories, political windfalls, and or basically anything that stirs the pot so to speak that I think my readers would be interested in adding their two cents to. I would like get folks involved so they can speak their minds, find out what other people think and more or less stay informed. To kick things off in this section I would like to see what people think about this news story (I know it is a few days old, but it is still worth exploring).
The Independence Day Contest
I have been uber swamped lately and I didn't post an update, but I wanted to let those folks still in contention know where they stand as we head down the stretch. Amazingly, there has been some changes to the leaderboard. The top three bloggers up until today are:
Kim, has made some huge strides as of late and the last few days will prove to be pivotal. Some advice; digg, stumble and otherwise promote your remaining blog posts...any sort of exposure will be key. Best of luck and I can't wait to annouce the winner. At the end of the contest, I will spread link love through the valley of blogger-dom. It will be a fantastic celebration and truly there were no losers.
Newsletter
I am about to release my July Newsletter with some exciting results on how much money I made during the month of June and how I went about doing so. Are you as anxious to find out the BuzzFuse results as I am? Word.
I am leaving for Atlanta today to participate in a video shoot. Yep, you heard that right. Me. Video shoot. I am working with Graco on a great project along with some other bloggers. The project will be off the hook, by in large due to my participation, and as soon as I have time I will post all the details of both my trip and the actually project itself.
In My Stead
Over the next couple of days I leave you in the willing and capable digits of one Pete J from MyGpsCameraPhone. Pete is a close bloggy friend of mine and I trust him like I trust myself (see not very much at all). He will continue the tradition of Joeprah by delivering mediocre content. Mediocre, which Pete will assuredly exceed, will actually be a step up, so you may be begging for Pete to stay on full-time.
Contest Winner
I didn't forget. I used my webcam this morning to tape the drawing and I used one of my daughters to choose the winner. The video wouldn't upload although I tried as hard as one man can to upload it. I feel Blip.Tv was afraid of its intrinsic awesomeness, which is understandable. Anyways, you are going to have to trust me when I say that the winner was Smoochie Frog. I will post the video someday...as long as Blip allows for amazing videos to see the light of day. As for the next contest, I will post the details either when I return on Thursday or next Monday. Stay tuned as I have some amazing stuff to give away over the course of the next few weeks. I am totally serious.
I think everyone that reads my blog is a super star to some degree. First, they have put up with how quirky it is. Slow page loading times (a thing of the past I hope, see next post) and obnoxious colors--not to mention how stuck on myself (rightly so) I am. So, if you are reading this, take a bow. Now, there are some elite Joeprah followers that not only stomach my daily diatribe, but they actually think it to be noteworthy--so noteworthy in fact, that they have deemed it acceptable to don me with awards. I would like to call these folks "Super-Dee-Duper-Stars." First, I got a really cool mention from Penny over at Cafe at the End of the Universe, then HuckDoll, this was followed by Christine at Serenity How recognizing my awesomeness, and, to top it off, not one but two awards. Now, these award givers have crazy good taste and I'm just saying, "They're right to acknowledge my smooth ways." There is this rockin' award from Rachel at A Southern Fairy Tale:
It is totally homemade and really cool because it has the tell tale pinkness of a mom blog. And not to be outdone, we have Tara from If Mommy Says Ok dropping some more hardware on ol' Joeprah:
I just wanted to say "You're Right," to everyone that took time to write about me on their blogs and for correctly noticing how insanely amazing I am. Thanks! Carry on.
In this section of Joeprah you will be whisked away to all the side splitting posts that made this site what it is. Videos, photos, articles--this stuff is just funny.
Want to see how Joeprah sees the world? Check Out Joeprah's Digital Photography in the Revamped 'Multimedia' Section under 'Galleries.'
Joeprah Bucks
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Joeprah is trying out BuzzFuse for the month of June. If you like what you see--hook a brother up. Click the widget at the bottom of June posts and rate me '10' over at BuzzFuse. Comments are extra credit and extra awesome.
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and tell me why and you may find yourself here during the next update.
I have opinions on all things--especially products. Check out my newest section to see what owns and what doesn't--according to Joeprah.
*Note: This article is amazing. Both Adobe Premier Elements (you'll see) and Viacom tried to stop its creation, and both were unsuccessful. Recognize.*
Sometimes a family gets going at like a million miles an hour and sometimes said family can forget to complete certain chores. Sometimes chores go undone altogether. Families are like that. What with school, after school activities, athletic practices, dance practices, birthdays, games on the weekends, and requisite visits to family and friends houses it's really a miracle that anything gets done in Joeprah's house. There are times though when these elements are combined with other forces, natural forces, in what can only be called a perfect storm . Its kinda like a TV weather guy dancing around talking about low pressure systems and sub-tropical lows moving up the coast, except replace those with PMS and a husband desperately in need of a minute to relax. See animated Gif below for more help.
Now that brings us to today's topic: The Mildew Load. The mildew load has many names in many households. I have heard folks call it the "perpetual load," some people refer to this in verb like fashion saying things like, "I funked a load." No matter what you call it--it stinks, quite literally. What a "mildew load" is, is when you wash a load of laundry and forget about it...until it rears its ugly head via the unmistakable stench of mildew. We all start a mildew load with the best intentions: freshly cleaned and folded wearables, but, somehow, that train of freshness gets derailed somewhere between 15 motrins and a poorly timed-can't miss-important-televised sporting event (and or beer). My wife, being sadistic in nature, likes to take the offensiveness of a mildew load to a higher level by drying said "funked" loads. The resulting product is very much so south of cheese. These clothes smell like B.O. mixed with cat pee (or any other smell that encourages the gag reflex).
The mildew load is an issue that requires purification--envision exercising a demon. I take on the challenge of the Mildew Load like a scientist/priest. I use bleach like holy water but only in exact scientific-like amounts. All that aside, the first step in any problem is to recognize there is one.
The Second Step in any problem (or perhaps only this one) is to remove the nasty laundry from the washing machine.
Notice how my wfie mixed all those colors together in that load. Like a rainbow. I love her. Now that the laundry is out of the washer it's time to refresh the washing machine--this is step 3. I have a pinpoint system aimed at refreshing the offended washer and since step 3 is so extensive I have a video tutorial below aimed to educate and entertain, I like to call this edu-tainment.
Step 3 is the last step. Now, all you need to do is wash the clothes again...maybe twice. Does anyone need instruction on how to do the laundry proper like? Have you ever "funked" a load?
When I was but a lad I remember struggling to fold the sheets for my own bed. It was like trying to tame a sea monster using a cheese cloth and a ladle. I have provided a picture gallery that explains this for those with no imagination.
As you can see I was soon swayed that my attempts were futile. I made a solemn promise to myself to never again fight a losing battle against unfoldable objects. This of course sent me into a deep depression which lasted until lunch time that day. Twenty years later the battle wages on, and like an Ewok against Chicken Walkers I go toe to toe against all odds but somehow win. If you want to win (if not, see utter failure) then read on to find out how warriors fold fitted sheets. Since I have studied both Bruce Lee and Willis movies I know that you need skill and resourcefulness to pull this off. I feel that my technique has both. First thing you need to do is wash and dry a fitted sheet. The next steps are super complicated and ultra specific so I have laid out the details in picture form for those visual learners amongst us.
First Step: Take out of Dryer (Important)
Next Step:
Fold as Shown
Last Step:
Put Away Carefully
**Note: Remember to always use plenty of detergent and to never mix colors in the washer or dryer which would skew the results of this process dramatically.**
As many men are drawn to technology so too am I. I feel we have a desire to meet challenges with improvements based on inventions. Men, from those in the armed forces that customize their weapons (see Delta Forces, awesome) to Pee Wee Herman and his house of horrors, all look to find a better way. Now parenting, as we know, has its challenges, what with all the cooking, cleaning and child care, so wouldn't it be nice to have a tool to help us in our pursuit of peace of mind? If I had a robot I would program it to not only shoot lasers at invaders, zombified or otherwise, I would also, most certainly, have my robot programmed to aid me around the house. I am sure you are tired of being viewed by your offspring as "the enforcer" so the first thing to do would be to retrofit your robot with a paddle.
Robots, like all things that are totally awesome, are super customizable. It is really difficult to say how I would begin to program my robot but I know that it would have a vacuum for a tail and its feet would be made out of self cleaning &drying mops. Note: I tried to implement a similar technique with my youngest child by attaching dust rags to her clothes as she crawled, but I soon realized that her clothes worked just as good. What else are you sick of doing? Make the robot do it. I am sick and tired of having to go into the cabinet and get a plate to eat my food over. My kids seem to think the plate is a launching pad for food, and the foods destination should be the floor, why not me? I would put the robot on "dog mode" and let it clean as I ate. Changing Diapers? Not anymore. My robot would be programmed to eat diapers and process them in its internal incinerator. The vacuum tail would be used to clean off all
"Changing Diapers? Not anymore. My robot would be programmed to eat diapers and process them in its internal incinerator."
remainders from the babies bottom (pretty well thought out, huh?) and the mop feet could clean those hard to reach places. The possibilities are limitless. I would let my wife continue in her pursuit of chores on the weekends, its good for her, plus I would remain steadfast about my desire to cook, except of course when it was the robots turn (see Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday). What would your robot do? Think about it.
Ah, laundry. I think we can all agree that we love to hate it. Also, I think no other chore in the house is more of an affront to our manliness than laundry. That is precisely why I have devised a better way to do this dreaded chore. Most people would say that laundry should be part of a daily chore routine (see fools) and that it requires fastidious attention to detail as it is akin to a science with all the right angles, measuring amounts of liquids, etc. I look at it as more of a death match. An ultimate struggle that I face not only externally with each piece of linen I mangle, but internally as I re-examine my masculinity, that is until recently as I have found a better way. A better way is what has made this country of ours great, and I will share this with you, free of charge, as so my brothers may learn a valuable lesson. I have compiled a list of ingredients that are necessary for a successful laundry session. Pay close attention.
Smart Enough That You Understand Up to This Point
IQ > 100
Gigantic Tower of Clean (Critical) Laundry
Almost Folded
A General is Nothing Without Footmen
Excellent at Less Complicated Folds
A Place to Detain The Insolent
Must Be Sturdy and Free From Debris to Climb On
The Insolent
Anyone That Unfolds Is Better Off Confined
Rewards for Hard Work
A Serious Job Deserves Serious Rewards
It is really simple actually. If you did not figure it out, then here is a review:
Make huge manly pile of laundry.
Force feed children old enough to fear you into action.
Confine all children young enough to get in the way as they will take pleasure in unfolding.
Fold until bored.
Play console game of choice.
Repeat steps 4 & 5 until completed
Remember, laundry doesn't fold itself unless you have the help of little children. Good luck and happy folding.
If you like these movies you will love the video section.
Who is Joeprah? I am a stay at home dad to three daughters. I have an amazing wife, and under the direction and encouragement of close friends, I started this site over a year ago. You can follow me at The Examiner.com, Twitter, Stumble Upon and Cre8Buzz . Read more...
In this section
Good tip but you forgot...
** Help Joeprah Pay the Bills **
Who is Joeprah? I am a stay at home dad to three daughters. I have an amazing wife, and under the direction and encouragement of close friends, I started this site over a year ago. You can follow me at The Examiner.com, Twitter, Stumble Upon and Cre8Buzz . Read more...