| on Wednesday April 30, 2008 |
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*Note: All the pictures in the post are "clickable." For the full effect that each picture posseses click them. Once clicked the larger image will appear...just click 'em and see for yourself, k?* So, I have been meaning to write about something that is both a bonus and a cross to bear for stay at home dads--facial hair. Personally, I hate shaving, but I like the fresh feeling that one receives after a nice shave. Shaving ones face is just not natural. Did the dinosaurs do it? I think not. Shaving irritates my skin because it's just plain wrong. Seriously, who thought this one up. The guy w as all like, "Oh, I got it! Let's sharpen metal and rub it all around our jugulars. Then we can splash ourselves with an alcohol based product to intensify the discomfort we feel from uprooting perfectly awesome facial hair." Anyways, as a stay at home dad I tip-toe a line of social acceptance. I find little reason to bathe (oops) shave. I do shower everyday, but shavinig...what's the point? If I wanted more irritation in my life I would just watch The Real Housewives of New York City . Horrid stuff that. Ok, anyways, the post is going somewhere and it will be so cool when it gets there I promise. First, let's examine the Stay at Home Dad in his natural state: So here we have the "stay at home dad" or "SAHD" or as I like to call him "me." Notice the hat on the head. This hat is placed securely on the head so as to not reveal the sordid state of affairs that lies just beneath its surface. The hat is God's way of saying, "Dude, you don't want to look under here, its not pretty." And I thank God for that and the toothbrush, and my loving family. Furthermore, notice the glazed look in that dude's eyes. He just doesn't care about his appearance and that is admirable if not braggable. I sometimes, as a SAHD, find the unshaven look to be a turn on for the ladies (meaning my wife) as it increases business time by .000001% (a statistical certainty). I, somehow, turn into more of a badass with all the facial hair. I am more "unpredictable" or "slightly unstable" because extra hair on a guy's face just does that to him. Ladies, meaning my wife, acknowledge this .000001% as a turn on. This is part of th e reason for the facial hair, but the real reason--laziness. That's right. It's easier to not shave. Actually, I have found it is easier to not do most things. For instance, not vacuuming is a whole heck of a lot easier than vacuuming. Try it and see for yourself. I admit that being lazy plays a part in the whole not shavi ng thing and although I have been accused of being lots of things (handsome, charming, somehow stronger than I look, excellent at Scattegories) I have not been accused of being overly lazy, so what is really at play here? Motivation. Where is it? What is it? Who is it? I know these questions seem complicated, but they all end up with me looking at the razor hanging in the shower thinking, "Eh." When you are a SAHD you essentially have no reason to shave...ever. There are societal constraints that tell us furry people are not to be trusted. Furry people are thought to either be sending bombs via the US mail or the really dumb bad guy from Superman II, so, predictably, I try to avoid these connotations. It's hard though, when you look so tough, as I do, with facial hair. People just get the wrong idea. So, this eventually leaves me no option but to shave.
The Shaven Stay at Home Dad: Like other shaven people, the SAHD is a bit ironical. On one hand, he has no need to shave and looks, eh, ok not shaving, but on the other hand, once shaven, the SAHD begins a metamorphisis. Once a hairy, homeless looking dude the SAHD now has been transformed into an almost tolerable looking gent. In a criminal line-up the stay at home dad no longer blends in, rather he sticks out like a superstar version of himself. His hair, that once laid beneath a hat, has now been freed of its constraints and feathered lightly with pomade for good measure. Notice the glint in the eye and the smile on the face, this guy has got it goin' on. Oh, but wait...what's that? Is it dark outside? I forgot to mention that SAHDs typically aren't bothered by time constraints and can bathe anytime between 7:00am (see 'when golfing') to 9:00pm. Showering later does have its benefits of course. If you, as a guy, smell all fresh as a daisy later in the evening, ahem, you have exactly a .000002% greater chance of "business time."
Ok, for all of you who have no idea what business time is let me just include you in the club. You'll, of course, thank me.
 As a SAHD and a blogger the late shower isn't necessarily a bad thing. Let me explain, most of my best writing is done at night and what better way to get ready for a night of blogging than to be all professional like with the clean shaven look. Bonus right? This perpetually late schedule of blogging in the wee hours of the night takes a toll on a SAHD, but a nice shave changes all that and instead of feeling grungy and gruff, I am now feeling like a corporate big wig ready to tackle the problems of a multi-national power house that is Joeprah. Yeah, I have readers from other countries like Canada and Venezuela and possibly many more. I think it's all about perception sometimes and I want my perception on the internet to be one of a clean or somewhat clean shaven guy. There are many reasons for this but the main reason is what I would like to call "The Ratio."
Joeprah and the Ratio: What, pray tell, is the Ratio Joeprah? The Ratio is a mathematical term really. It is the difference, myself and other dad bloggers have found in those who blog about parenting, family life and stuff like that. What difference do you speak of Joeprah? Well, you see, men are outnumbered by female bloggers in this category like by some really large number to some other very small number. Women, sometimes, can be a little intimidated by an unshaven face so I have replaced my old profile photo with a new, more clean cut look. Why, Joeprah, why? A) The resolution is better & B) I show off my personality more clearly when I am not restricted by stubble. Oh, and for all of you who thought I spelled ass wrong in the picture I didn't. RSS, as many of you know, stands for Really Simple Syndication. Click here to find out what Wikipedia has to say on the subject.
So what is your stance on the whole shaving thing? Do you shave? Do you like your hubby to shave everyday or just once in a while? Speak up. Be heard.
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I had to pass on a bit of news to my loyal readers about something very exciting in the land of Joeprah. It may not seem like a big deal to many, but for me--it's huge. I have a place on the Examiner.com as the National Fatherhood Examiner. What does that mean? It means I get to expose my smart ass self to a larger audience and as a bonus I get to champion common sense parenting for a large media outlet. I plan on delivering some articles from Joeprah on my National Fatherhood Blog, but I will also feature some articles there that can only be found there. This makes all those times that my wife was like, "Why can't you stop blogging tonight and watch (insert horrible chick flick title here, if you can't think of one Coyote Ugly will suffice) with me?" and I was all like, "Sorry, this is important." seem somewhat realistic. If you care to make my day/week/month/year, why don't you stop by my new home and say hi, you'll be glad you did.
Who is Joeprah? I am a stay at home dad to three daughters. I have an amazing wife and under the direction and encouragement of close friends I started this site over a year ago. You can follow me at The 
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om friends and I think that for the most part they regard me as an equal. Apparently though, I was mistaken--at least in one instance. I recently received an email to a joint email account that my wife and I share and it was from a stay at home mom friend. She emailed me to let me know that she was starting a "wine club" that would meet monthly and she wanted me to pass the invite on to my wife. I asked if I could participate as my wife isn't much of a drinker and that she wouldn't get much out of the group (actually I would rather go as a couple, we do everything together). I was told that it was a girl thing and the reason the group was being formed was to allow ladies to have a night away from the family (all husbands need not apply) with the backdrop of wine and wine tasting. First, approaching my wife about a wine club in my presence and saying no guys allowed is the equivalent of Roo asking Tigger to join a "honey appreciation group for bouncers only" in front of Winnie The Pooh. I am into wine more than just a little. I read books, magazines, and websites. I study winemaking techniques, growing regions, and varietal characteristics. I am a wine nerd. I have developed wine tasting/scoring sheets for wine stores I have worked for.