on Friday July 18, 2008

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Continued from:

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part I

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part II 

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part III 

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part IV

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part V

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part VI

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Dad: Part VII

Relations became strained at that time with my parents as well.  My mother was beginning to lose her patience at almost every turn and became an unstable element in our lives.  For Jodi and me, it seemed that there was little choice besides simply continuing the course that we were on.  We have always trusted the signs that God put before us and we felt we were getting some pretty clear signs at this point in our lives.  I would stay at home with both the girls and she would continue with her career. 

I did continue working at the wine store after a brief respite, but I still had a desire to offer something more to our family in both financial terms and long term stability.  Over that summer I started investigating the possibility of teaching at the local community college.  I had an English degree and spoke pretty decent Spanish, so I thought the likely extension of this would be ESOL (English as a Second Language).  It seemed to be both challenging and at the same time a rewarding community based service, and for both those reasons it appealed to me.  After attending some interviews and orientations with the college I was hired to teach advanced ESOL in the fall.  I was excited.  I continued working at the wine store on weekends and in September I began my teaching career.  I loved teaching from the first night.  The students in ESOL classes are amazingly receptive and eager to learn.  My class had twenty students and all of them were from different countries.  The pay was ‘ok’ but the experience was invigorating.

I wanted to teach my students to appreciate the English language so that they would become inspired to learn more about it.  We had lessons where my students had to write poetry, listen to music, watch movies and bring in foods representing their ethnicity.  I had a huge project that we worked on throughout the semester which was designed to increase participation and attendance.  I wrote a play in which all of those in the class had parts.  We designed flyers advertising the play, which the students all took part in creating.  The site administrator got word of the play and told the coordinator of ESOL, who in turn told the director of continuing education, all unbeknownst to me.  We had scheduled the play to be on the night of my final class.  When I arrived in the building with all my props I got word that I was to expect a crowd of visitors to watch the class’ play from the college, this was in addition to the other ESOL students in the building.  The play was a hit.  I was congratulated by the college administrators and students alike.  The class was a godsend.  It was such a great diversion for me as a full-time dad to be able to teach and be active outside of all the diapers and bibs. 

As that fall semester ended winter began and a new year.  I was prepared to teach a second semester of ESOL until the college contacted me and offered me something better.  They offered me an adjunct position running a new continuing education (or non-academic) based Spanish program.  It required 25 hours a week and was more or less a desk job with some marketing and sales work.  The program focused on teaching occupational based Spanish to people in various jobs from police officers, construction workers to nurses and doctors; the program covered all the bases.  I really wanted to jump on the opportunity; however it meant that we would need some daycare help 2-3 days a week.  After much deliberation on the topic, my wife and I decided that it was a good offer and overall a good thing for the family as it included daycare for Bella as soon as she turned three (in a few short months).  My father agreed to watch Mady 2-3 days a week so it was set that I would go back to work.

It’s strange, but being away from work for two years made the thought of returning to the workforce exciting. As difficult as that may be to understand, I was excited to go back to work. The program sounded interesting and rewarding, the people I would be working with were all women that were both community oriented and driven, and the money would be a help. I was glad to be able to contribute again.

Stay Tuned for the Next Installment

Joeprah Says... User Comments (8) Favorite This Post (14)

on Wednesday July 16, 2008

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*Note: this post isn’t to suggest in any way that these techniques are to be used to discipline children, but rather its point is to shed light on the fact that we as parents tend to flip out on occasion and poke fun at the universal reality which is sometimes parents flip out.*

As parents it can be a struggle against impossible odds to keep our cool when our kids relentlessly assault us on many levels as both a parent and human being.  With three girls myself it can be a losing battle many days.   For instance, here’s a typical scenario, my eldest takes a toy from youngest--my youngest, a 3 year-old, throws a toy train hitting my eldest in the head (and runs off)--at that same moment my middle child puts her foot in her milk and spills it everywhere.  In this hypothetical scenario I have one child crying because they know they are in trouble for hurting their sister, one child crying because they spilled milk everywhere (including all over herself), and one child is crying because a small train landed on their forehead mere seconds ago.  The cacophony of such a situation is enough to make a heavy metal rock star beg for silence—I theorize, but what about us professional parents?  Do you flip out?  What happens when you do?  How do we flip out correctly?

Flipping Out on All Your Kids

In the above scenario you may have noticed that all of my progeny aided in creating a parenting situation that could easily send a stressed parent over the edge.  If and when all of your kids have you with your proverbial back against the wall and you need to vent I feel that it is not only healthy to do so, but a valuable way to let out stress.  But Joeprah, how do I flip out appropriately?   This is where I would like to provide a bulleted list of ideas and techniques that will A) help you release stress, and B) have your kids in awe of you as both an individual and parent.

Erupt

I’m not talking a basic, “You wait until your father/mother gets home…” type of reaction, what I am looking for here is some classic flipping out. 

How to Erupt

• Stop Everything that you are doing

• Become Silent for a brief moment (like the moment just before a volcano...well you know—erupts)

• This adds drama to an already tense situation.  Your children are most likely looking for instant reprimand so it stands to reason that pauses and awkward silences will only add to the effectiveness of your eruption

• Flip Out, no hitting here or anything like that, just flip out

• Your soliloquy--a nice steady volumetric bellow where you go into a diatribe of why you need silence (being coherent is extra credit and not necessary)

If you follow those steps on erupting you will most certainly have your kids’ attention and will be able to discipline as need be with the stress being released from your body thus avoiding you either striking your children or eating many extra helpings of dessert later that evening.

Act Crazy

I don’t mean break dishes or claim to be the Queen of England, but something more calculated and fun.

How to Act Crazy

• Yell something comical and inappropriate in that circumstance like, “A Sea Monster ate my Ice Cream!!!,”  or “I love backgammon!!!”   First, yelling is a great stress release and a natural end result of being a parent many days—why not make it interesting?  Second, your kids will be soooo in the dark why you yelled what you yelled that they will likely forget about the peanut butter in their sock for a second and totally pay attention to you. 

• Slap yourself (your kids will be all like, dayum…if mom/dad just did that to themselves…what’s in store for me?)

• Squeeze a banana really hard

• Pretend to be a horse (note: don’t act like a badger)

• Jog in place while ignoring kids (kinda bush league material but a nice "go to" act of craziness in a pinch)

Get creative here, don’t let your kids walk all over you, let them know that there are limits to their stupidity and what you as a human being are expected to take.  Don’t just act crazy and let them think you are crazy, get them to laugh about it, settle them down and then punish the heck out of them.

Threaten

Now, with all the child advocacy groups out there you need to make sure your windows are shut for this one, but as controversial as this technique is--it is still one to strongly consider using. 

How to Threaten

• Be Extreme—I think it is important to claim you will enact some kind of ridiculous method of discipline if your kids don’t stop all acting like idiots.

How to Be Extreme

Sample things that can be said to threaten in an extreme way:

“Do you want to get spanked with bricks?!”

“Do you want to get spanked with rocks?!”

“Do you want me to taser you? Huh?  Do ya?”

“Don’t make me thump your skull!”

“Don’t make me flog you!!”  (Note: hard to say without laughing)

• My personal favorite “Run into my hand as fast as you can!!”  (which is like saying "spank yourself with my hand")

“I will beat you into a bloody pulp!”  (Note: I have never said that one, but my parents said it to me countless times and it is so amazingly extreme it needed to be included—I mean a “bloody pulp?!” holy sh— that’s extreme!)

Once again, have fun with this and get creative.  Remember to be yourself, if you aren’t a tortuous type of person just rely on the normal threats of horrific violent acts no matter how unlikely they are to actually happen.  The end result is your child will know you aren’t a person to be trifled with.  Once again, I am not suggesting to be violent rather simply to be scary.

Give Up

Another effective way to flip out interestingly enough is to do nothing at all.

How to Give Up

• No matter what you are doing—stop

• Once you have stopped what you are doing—go back to bed

• Pull the covers over yourself and relax

• Wait there until the kids become quiet (note: won’t work in serious situations, just when kids are being kids—also, never leave stove top on, oven running or iron on unless you are completely psycho)

Results

Now what is the end result of all this “flipping out?” 

• You will have your children’s attention
• You will have your children's respect

• Your children will have quieted down

• You will be in control

• You will relieve yourself of unwanted stress

This is a case of a clear win-win.

Flipping Out on One of Your Children

When one of your children have been completely stupid either nearly injuring him/herself or others, or perhaps they are simply destroying something of value you may of course employ any of the previously listed flipping out tactics on them, but there are some other niche techniques to think about when you want to flip out on just one child.

Physical Intimidation

Kids, generally, are unaware that they have created a mess until you awake them from their psuedo fugue state.  For instance, a kid/toddler could start bounding towards a busy road and not know that they are A) in harm’s way, B) pissing you off, and C) about to be totally flipped out on. 

How to Physically Intimidate Your Child (Safely):

• Grab Child by Their Hand and Lead them Away from a Dangerous Situation Abruptly

• Pick Child up and Carry Them Away from a Dangerous Situation Abruptly

• Get All Up in a Child’s Grill (that is street talk for face--yo) and Point them in the Direction of Safety—Abruptly

• Once Child is in a Safer Place, Carry them into their Room and shut the door—Abruptly

• If Child isn’t in harm’s way and just being destructive or otherwise pissing you off, Carry them into their Room and shut the door--Abruptly

Extreme Timeouts and You

Timeouts can be the everyday, “Sit on the steps for two minutes and think it over,” variety or the, “Go to your room and stay there for the rest of your natural born life” deals.  I am, of course, speaking of the latter.   Extreme timeouts aren’t always effective if your children like to be in their rooms, but they are effective during meal time—no matter what. 

How to Make Extreme Timeouts Work for You

• Initially make the duration extreme (any time between an hour until eternity will do here, undisclosed durations are also fine)

• Communicate to your child via your other children or notes (makes them feel isolated)

• Have other children bring them food (note: nothing messy here and nothing too tasty—think bland, crackers and water maybe) as this will make them feel isolated and like a detainee

• Give Ultimatums
• Examples:
• You can come out when you are ready to apologize
• You can come out when you have written an apology note
• You can come out when you have memorized the U.S. Constitution (or maybe Robert Frost’s poem “Out, Out— “ get creative here)

*Note: if the child in question is an only child you can ask a friend to help you deliver food, notes or terms of their punishment*

Involve Monsters

Children that are under the age of 5 generally accept the existence of mythical monsters without question—here you can use this to your advantage. 

How to Involve Monsters when Flipping Out

• If you know your child is scared of something—play on it, like if you know they hate “Swiper the Fox” from Dora you could say something like, “You know Swiper will eat you if he finds out you were drawing on my wall.  You want me to tell him?”  They will immediately cease and desist all mischievousness if faced with monster circumstances. 

• Tell them a monster is coming—A scared child is a child less likely to enrage you and one you can control much more easily.  Here you could be all like, “Oh! What’s that I hear? Yep!  There’s a monster outside...and by the sound of it they are right down the street.  They only come when kids are misbehaving…umm… I would totally stop hitting the cat with that train track—he might eat you."

• Tell them a monster knows—A child with a conscience is a child thinking about the repercussions of their actions.  If you have use the "a monster is coming" technique your child will be prepared for the “monster knows” approach.  If your child is about to do something really bad and you see it you can be all like on their side about it and say something like, “Umm, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.  I heard on the news that Grimlock was looking for kids to eat today and that would totally set him off.”

The Look

“The Look” is one of the best non-verbal ways to communicate with your child that you are totally flipping out inside without having to actually flip out.  To be noted, this method will not work unless you have already flipped out on your kids in the past.  A child with no reference point will disregard "the look" only further enraging the person attempting to use "the look."

How to Give “The Look”

• Stop what you are doing emphatically--like you were interupted from possibly the most important task you have ever attempted and on the verge of a break-through (picture interupting Genghis Khan during a raid to ask him for an autograph)
  

• Turn dramatically towards your child who is misbehaving (like in slo-mo—think “The Matrix”)

• Glare intensely at child like you are trying to use laser-superman-like-vision to give them a warning via retinal burn

• Wait for silence

• Resume what you were doing

These are ways to flip out on a single child and have been proven effective.  Some parents are claiming extraordinary results using these techniques, so clearly these are great ways to A) release stress and B) keep a child disciplined.  But what if your child has friends or cousins/relatives over to play with them and they are acting up?  What then Joeprah?

Flipping Out on Your Kids When Friends or Relatives Kids are Present

Inevitably there will come a time when your kids have friends over or perhaps they are playing with their cousins.  If, during these moments your child does something malevolent in nature how do we as parents respond?  During these moments is it possible to still flip out?  Never fear--flipping out is always an option.  During these situations, when witnesses are present to the shear awesomeness of your flipping out capabilities, tact is in order.  On the flipping-out-o-meter I would dial it down a bit (think like about a 7 out of 10).  You can still get a decent flip out on, but nothing too controversial here. 

Effective Flipping Out Techniques When Friends are Over

• Yell child’s name loudly immediately followed by “the look”

• Simply utilize “the look”

• Pull child aside using a loud, sinister, whisper and say something like, “Get over here right now!” The emphasis should be put on the words ‘get’ and ‘right’ in this instance.  Use your index finger to motion for your child to ‘come.’  Congrats!  You have effectively placed your child on flip out island and the only inhabitants are the two of you.  Gulp.  Now you are free to do a mini flip out session—use one of the techniques we discussed earlier.

• Threaten to send other children home

• Send other children home--this is perhaps the most diabolical of all the flipping out options as there is little hope for a child when their friends have been sent home--they will be flipped out on.
  

There are some obvious benefits of flipping out during these situations like better behavior, quieter children, children who play nicely together.  There are also some other benefits that aren’t as obvious when you flip out when your child has friends over.  One great benefit is that your child knows that they cannot get away with misbehaving when they have friends over, but perhaps more significantly your child’s friends now know that they themselves are in the presence of a parent that flips out and they need to be on their toes. Score.

There you have it, I have just outlined how to flip out on your children.  This post is printable and emailable, so I suggest keeping a copy of it with you at all times and sending it off to any parent you know.  Keep one on the fridge, one in your purse, man bag or wallet (you may need to fold it several times), and one in the fire proof box next to your wills and birth certificates.  Use a highlighter to emphasize some of your favorite pointers and practice some of the ones that you haven’t used yet in front of a mirror.  Flipping out is an art form akin to ballet except there is usually more yelling--it takes practice.  Best of luck and please share any of your own special flipping out techniques with the group.  Word.  

Joeprah Says... User Comments (21) Favorite This Post (21)

on Tuesday July 15, 2008

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Of all the industrialized countries in the world, the U.S. has, by far, the highest instance of teenage pregnancies with a rate that more than doubles the nearest competitors.  After posting on the topic earlier this week, I did some further research and came up with some common sense answers as to why this is.  One of the best sources I found was Advocates for Youth.  Each summer since in 1998, Advocates for Youth and the University of North Carolina at Charlotte sponsor annual study tours to France, Germany, and the Netherlands to explore why adolescent sexual health outcomes are so much more positive in the three European countries than in the U.S.  The following italicized bulleted points are from their most recent findings.  Here I will go point and counter point with what the Europeans do successfully and our U.S. reality—buckle up! 

• Adults in the Netherlands, France, and Germany view young people as assets, not as problems. Adults value and respect adolescents and expect teens to act responsibly. Governments strongly support education and economic self-sufficiency for youth.

In opposition to this statement, here in the U.S. there are countless reasons for young men and women to have low self-worth which contributes to their poor choices and decision making.  As a metaphor, the legal age to drink alcohol in the U.S. is 21 while the average age in European nations is 18 for general drinking and 16 for drinking wine & beer.  Some European countries have no minimum age for alcohol consumption. Plainly speaking, teenagers are treated and looked upon in U.S. culture as “kids” until they are over 21.  So it goes without saying, “teens” are viewed differently in the U.S. than Europe and this rift may have some part to play in the rebellious mindset some U.S. teens have as they disregard what is in their best interest when making some critical life choices.

• Research is the basis for public policies to reduce unintended pregnancy, abortion, and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Political and religious interest groups have little influence on public health policy.

In the U.S., policy can be created, formed and most certainly influenced by lobbyist groups and religious organizations.

• A national desire to reduce the number of abortions and to prevent sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, provides the major impetus in each country for unimpeded access to contraception, including condoms, consistent sexuality education, and widespread public education campaigns.

In the US there are few public education campaigns to confront the issues of teen pregnancy effectively.  Government funded programs for low cost of free contraception don’t exist, and neither do consistent sexual education programs.  Public education on the topic of sexuality is minimal to non-existent.

• Governments support massive, consistent, long-term public education campaigns utilizing the Internet, television, films, radio, billboards, discos, pharmacies, and health care providers. Media is a partner, not a problem, in these campaigns. Campaigns are far more direct and humorous than in the U.S. and focus on safety and pleasure.

Cool campaigns prove to be more effective way to communicate with teens—go figure.  Scare tactics are the typical ads that a U.S. teen sees which haven’t been proven to be effective. 

The media in the U.S. is not “on board” with any one set of criteria or mindset that the government has deemed vital to success in battling teen pregnancy or dealing with the issue of safe sex.  This can be seen in the recent “OK!” article done that glamorizes the situation of teen star Jamie Lynn Spears.  In European countries there is a unified, team like effort to promote responsible behavior—there are familiar sexual education campaigns.  Teens in the U.S. get many different messages from media sources which can only work to muddle any good information they may be receiving. 

• Sexuality education is not necessarily a separate curriculum and may be integrated across school subjects and at all grade levels. Educators provide accurate and complete information in response to students' questions.

In public schools there is no set standard formula across the nation on how and when to implement sexual education in the United States.  With various forms of sexual education that vary from teaching abstinence to teaching sexual education to teaching nothing at all, teens are often confused and or unprepared on how to approach the new topic of sex and sexual relations.  In Europe sexual education is preemptive, while in the U.S. it is often too little and too late.

• Families have open, honest, consistent discussions with teens about sexuality and support the role of educators and health care providers in making sexual health information and services available for teens.

In the U.S. there is a stigma associated with “the dreaded talk” that parents have with their kids in regards to sex.  It is seen as a comical onetime event where the parents fall flat on their faces trying to talk about something very important in nature. 

• Adults see intimate sexual relationships as normal and natural for older adolescents, a positive component of emotionally healthy maturation. At the same time, young people believe it is "stupid and irresponsible” to have sex without protection and use the maxim, "safer sex or no sex."

In the U.S. there are so many different messages being sent to young people from the music they listen to, to the movies they watch, and to what their peers are doing that there is absolutely no clear “maxim” to speak of and certainly no feeling of sex being “stupid and irresponsible.”

• The morality of sexual behavior is weighed through an individual ethic that includes the values of responsibility, respect, tolerance, and equity.

Young people in the U.S. use terms like “pimp” loosely to describe different aspects of their lifestyles so it goes without saying that their views about sexual morality tend to be less mature and even warped.  Of course, that is just a metaphor that illuminates a general attitude of males disrespecting females as acceptable and even trendy.  Prevailing cultures like hip-hop and rock strongly impact the psyche of many U.S. teens and each of these cultures have been identified by loose moral standards and the objectification of women. 

How exactly does the U.S. compare in teen pregnancy rate to its European counterparts?  Are the abortion rates higher in the European nations? Here are statistical comparisons between the U.S. and European nations in those key statistical areas.

For all the statistics check out the Advocates for Youth website.  What are your thoughts?  Are we as a country lagging way behind our European counterparts?  What lessons can be learned from them?

Joeprah Says... User Comments (9) Favorite This Post (17)

on Monday July 14, 2008

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Continuing my partnership with Education.com, there is another toy up for grabs.  The rules to enter the contest are simple:

1. Leave a comment to this post and you will receive one entry into the contest
2. Leave a comment to this post referencing something you learned while visiting Education.com and you will receive three entries into the contest
3. You must be alive (and in the US or Canada)
4. The winner will be announced the following Monday during a live JoeprahTV drawing which will be announced on Twitter

So, what's this week's toy?

Elephantastic Pyramids!

If you like this give-away, get involved--enter the contest.  If your kids are too young or too old this would make a great gift for a neice or nephew or just a really interesting drinking party game.  Think Jenga + elephants.  Next week is the last Education.com give-away and I think the last toy up for grabs is the best.  

Joeprah Says... User Comments (21) Favorite This Post (15)

on Monday July 14, 2008

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I recently had the pleasure to test out a really cool product from a real life inventor mom.  After talking to her a few times on Twitter I decided to check out her site and, you know what, she came up with something brilliant.  Ladies are wicked smart and Laura Hamrick and OnTray2Go definitely prove that adage.  What I like most about the product is the simplicity in its design and concept.  I tested the product out at the local grocery store and it was a blast.  The kids loved it and so did I.  Joeprah what is “OnTray2Go” anyways? OnTray2Go is a snack tray that snaps onto your grocery cart at your local supermarket/Target/Walmart…whatever.  If you have ever gone to the store and your kids just wouldn’t cooperate making your life a living nightmare than this product is for you.  Just watch the movie--roll tape!

I have to admit, I had my share of Teddy Grahams, M&Ms and Whoppers (one of my personal favorites).  The only concern I had with the product (besides caloric consumption) was if it could handle to the rigors of the bumps going in and out of the grocery store and it did so easily.  The lid slides on easily although we didn’t really need it and it even comes in four colors. Overall, there really isn’t anything bad to see about this product except where have you been all my life. 

The Give-Away

OnTray2Go is giving away four (one of each color) OnTray2Gos, here are the contest rules:

You Must Be Alive to Enter

You Must Live in either US or Canada (sorry Iceland et. al.)

Here’s how you enter:

Leave a comment stating why you would like the product for 1 entry

Check out www.ontray2go.com and say so in your comment for 3 entries

Subscribe to Joeprah.com (if you already are just say so-word), check out www.ontray2go.com and say so in your comment for the maximum of 5 entries

I will hold a live drawing Sunday, July 20^th on Joeprah TV where my daughters and I will decide the winner.  I will announce the drawing on Twitter so if you aren’t following me already now’s your chance.  Best of luck to all that enter! 

Joeprah Says... User Comments (18) Favorite This Post (18)